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NVC Book Cover Design Survey - ROUND 2

Participate in the second round or our new cover design survey and you could win the entire Marshall Rosenberg Book Package from our online NVC bookstore!


You may have seen our recent request to participate in our Cover Design Survey. We listened to your feedback and have three new covers for you to vote on.
Learn More Below >>

 
 
NVC Mediation - Creating Dynamic Connection
By Jori and Jim Manske

We had been mediating for seven years when we stumbled into a workshop with Marshall Rosenberg in 2000; attracted by the lure of a free opportunity to learn from an international peacemaker. As Marshall shared the Nonviolent Communication process, his humorous presentation style (and his puppets!) captivated our attention, and his stories of transforming conflict into partnership captured our hearts. Keep reading this article below >>

 
 
Specials
 
 

NVC Conflict Resolution Book or eBook Package

NVC Conflict Resolution Book or eBook Package
4 Title Package -- Various Authors
Package details / ePackage details
List Price: $31.80
Your Price: $12
Save 60% off list price
through June 30, 2013
Book Pkg:   Add to Cart
eBook Pkg: Add to Cart

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NVC Reference Library Package

NVC Reference Library Package
Various Authors
Product Details
List Price: $330.75
Your Price: $132
Save 60% off list price
through June 30, 2013

Book Pkg:   Add to Cart
eBook Pkg: Add to Cart

 
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Training
 
Free Weekly NVC Tips Series:
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Compassionate Parenting NVC Tips
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Peaceful Living Meditations Sampler

Free Tips Series Highlight:

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Articles and PDF Downloads:
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Articles About NVC
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Recommended Resources

NVC Academy Theme of the Month

 
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Inspiration
 
Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. talks about the keys to prevent all forms of conflict and violence in this 10-minute video.
Play Video Now
Share This Inspiring 10-Minute Video With Your Friends
Go to the video now and select the "Share This" link in the right corner to share this video using your favorite social media platform.
Special Notices
News from the NVC Network
Free Webinar on June 5 -- The Compassionate "We"
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Two summertime NVC events coming up through NVC Santa Cruz, CA
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NVC Sound Bytes at CNVC.org
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ANV Cartoons (Almost Nonviolent Communication)
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NVC Quote of the Month

"With NVC we do not look
for compromise; rather,
we seek to resolve the conflict to everyone's complete satisfaction."

"We never do anything
that is not in the service
of a need, there is no conflict on our planet at
the level of needs. We
all have the same needs. The problem is in the strategies we choose for meeting the needs."

 
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cover survey

New Cover Survey ROUND 2... continued

If you didn't see our first message about the new cover design, here's the scoop.

We're gearing up to reintroduce Dr. Rosenberg's bestselling book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, with a new cover design. We would greatly appreciate it if you would take just five minutes right now to participate in ROUND 2 of the survey to help select the best new cover for the NVC book.

Help us select a new cover for Marshall Rosenberg's bestselling title and you could win the entire Marshall Rosenberg Book Package from our online NVC bookstore!

As a Thank You for Your Time...

When you provide your name and email address at the end of the survey, your name will be entered to win the entire Marshall Rosenberg Book Package from our online NVC bookstore. All you need to do is complete our survey no later than midnight PST Friday, June 7, 2013.

So please take this quick survey now!

Everyone Wins!

If you complete the survey, whether or not you provide your name and email, you will receive a coupon code good for an additional 10% off the total of all products in your next order from the online NVC bookstore, where everything is already discounted at least 30%!

You'll find your coupon code on the last page of the survey.

Don't Delay ....

Take the Survey Now
(Good until midnight PST, Friday, June 7, 2013)

Download our complete contest rules now >>

 

And as always, thank you for your support!

The PuddleDancer Press team


Thanks to everyone who participated
in Round 1 of the Survey.

The Round 1 winner of the Marshall
Rosenberg Book Package will be
notified by email next week.

The first initial, last name, and country
of the winner will be posted here:
Round 1 Thank You

 

 

"We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can
only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs
are fulfilled as well as
our own."

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NVC Mediation... continued

When we heard Marshall speak of the relationship between resolving conflicts and connecting at the level of universal human needs, it was as if something deep inside clicked like a key unlocking a door. We could see how the focus on needs as the cause of each person's experience could reframe and transform the conflicts that brought people to mediation. And, it could open doors of creativity that could lead to an outcome that was satisfying for everyone.

Applying the Principles

Our first opportunity to use the Nonviolent Communication process in mediation came within days, with a recently divorced couple who were suing each other over matters related to shared property. Blame and criticism had exacerbated several unresolved issues between them, and their tortuous experience in the courts had not led to a peaceful resolution for either of them. Both came to the mediation expressing distrust and hatred toward each other.

This was just the type of mediation that can be the most challenging, as neither party saw any common ground for a future relationship, and therefore neither had a desire to cooperate.

In spite of our conscious incompetence with the NVC process, the nascent paradigm shift that emerged included two deep and lasting insights that have revolutionized our mediation practice. First, during the mediation process, we broke the taboo of revealing our own uncomfortable feelings and needs to the disputants. Secondly, rather than acknowledging feelings and thoughts, which had been our previous style, we crafted our reflections of what we heard the disputants share by focusing on their feelings and needs.

The outcome of this shift included (1) a shared sense of vulnerability; and (2) a quality of connection based on a shared focus on each person's well-being. This outcome seemed to both astonish and please all of us.

Imperfect Practice Yet Profound Results

In spite of our lack of skill in identifying needs and our sometimes awkward and formulaic expression in that first mediation, we arrived at a state of understanding and cooperation that enabled the parties to experience some peace within themselves. We were able to support them in decisions that worked for both of them.

A few years later, we were pleasantly shocked to receive a book written by one of the parties about the travails of their legal process and divorce. The book expressed gratitude for the mediation, and included the statement: "[Jim and Jori] were extremely skilled at getting to the crux of the matter."

Excited and hopeful about the results we experienced, we endeavored to learn more, and to apply the Nonviolent Communication process to our practice in a more conscious manner. Some of the basic ways to use the process in mediation include:

  1. Focusing on observations, feelings, needs and requests to support people in taking responsibility for their own experience, and being compassionate with themselves;

  2. "Pulling by the ears" to help people hear the observations, feelings, needs, and requests of the other parties in the dispute, and build compassion for each other;

  3. Offering "emergency first-aid empathy" when emotions are intense and people do not have the resources to listen to each other;

  4. Tracking and balancing the process to clarity that everyone's needs are heard and acknowledged;

  5. Identifying and using needs as a guideline to craft agreements;

  6. Using requests to find strategies, and checking to see if they work for everyone.

Healing from a Painful Divorce

Recently, we mediated with two parents who were still recovering from the trauma of their acrimonious divorce several years ago. Previous attempts at mediation by other practitioners had shifted to "shuttle diplomacy," with the mediator moving from one party to the other in separate rooms or at separate times ending with each party having settled for agreements that were not working for them.

Their meetings with us signified the first time they had been able to sit in same the room with one another. They reported that even phone messages to one another had stimulated pain and disconnection. During those first meetings, both people expressed deep anguish. We helped them hear one another by translating their blame and criticism into feelings and needs.

We guided them in verbally reflecting back the pain they heard the other express, and helped them to strengthen their common commitment to the well-being of their sons. After many experiences of deep empathy and profound honesty, they were able to craft new agreements centered on mutual respect and their shared concern for their kids, rather than from a space of blame, pain or anger.

Their teenage son had been away from home for a year, in part to escape the pain of the fractured family. During our work with his parents he returned and joined his brother and parents for a session with us. He expressed deep gratitude and utter amazement that his parents were sitting in the same room "without yelling and screaming at each other." After a couple of hours, the family left to have a meal together for the first time in years.

Gaining Skill Through Practice

As we continued to log mediation hours with a conscious intention to practice the NVC process, the consciousness of nonviolence continued to integrate not only into our mediation work, but also into our experiences of everyday life. Now, the intentional use of the tools often recedes, as an unconscious competence in NVC emerges. For instance, sometimes during a mediation or reconciliation session, we feel surprised at what comes out of our mouths, and the profoundly connecting result that emerges for all of the parties.

We believe, however, that the connection comes not directly from the words we use, but rather that the words reflect a compassionate intention. Our words or strategies come from our own intention to connect in the present moment, with ourselves and our "co-mediators" (the people bringing their pain to the table).

The NVC process has also been affective as we've facilitated groups of 50 or more people around land use issues between neighborhood organizations and developers. Using empathic reflection, we are able to ferret out what needs are not met, and then develop new requests that will better meet those needs. We have seen new ideas emerge through the shared creativity of people who have a sense of being heard and included, and who then are willing to hear and include others they initially did not trust.

We have had the joy of participating in many mediations that have changed lives. Although we enjoy working with people who have ongoing personal relationships where we support healing and reconciliation, we have found the process of Nonviolent Communication effective in mediating a range of issues including conflicts in workplaces, communities, schools, courts, and jail; with disputes concerning politics, the environment, healthcare, property, child custody and educational strategies, and personal rights and justice.

Wherever people are in conflict, the process has helped us to be able to support people in seeing each other's humanity and in being resourceful in finding ways to meet everyone's needs.

Jim and Jori Manske have been married for 26 years and are Certified Trainers of Nonviolent Communication and Certified Practitioners of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). They have been actively studying communication skills as well as intrapersonal and interpersonal awareness since the 70's. Their degrees are in Mass Communications and Social Work. Individually and together they have been presenting workshops, facilitations, mediations and classes to various businesses, community groups, government agencies, NGO's, private groups and individuals since 1971. They can be contacted at RadicalCompassion.com.

 

Keep learning these vital communication skills with these books and training resources:


This Month's Specials: Every Day Book Package Specials:

 


 


Jim and Jori Manske
Certified NVC Trainers

 

 

"NVC is a way of keeping
our consciousness
tuned in moment by
moment to the beauty
within ourselves."

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News from the NVC Network... continued

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Free Webinar on June 5 -- The Compassionate "We"
The Empathy Factor in Organizations,
with Marie Miyashiro >> Register Here

Watch the Video about Marie's German visit and
the Free Webinar

Image

One of the hot topics in today's business, nonprofit and Non-Government Organization worlds looks at making empathy and compassion practical in the workplace. If you're interested in learning how to consult, train, lead, or work in a more compassionate organization, this webinar session will provide:

  • A framework to define and understand how empathy and compassion show up in organizations
  • Examples of practical applications for creating empathy-based processes in organizations
  • Lessons learned from a leader of an empathic organization

Understanding and operating with empathy and acting with compassion leads to increased productivity for the team, increased engagement for the individual team members, and a world operating from more of a needs-based consciousness.

This webinar session is based on the business book The Empathy Factor, the Nonviolent Communication process, and the Integrated Clarity® chapter found in The Change Handbook. Here are some common questions that will be included during the discussion around empathy, compassion and their place within organizations:

  1. How do you take empathy and compassion from interpersonal relationships and turn it to organizational practice?
  2. What does compassion in organizations look like? Sound like?
  3. How is empathy in organizations different from empathy in personal relationships?
  4. How might the world be different if more organizations were operating with more empathic skills and compassionate action?

This is going to be a rich and practical discussion that draws on examples and ideas that you can bring back to your organization.

Please join us! >> Register Here

Image MORE INFO: Edwin Rutsch, Director of the Center for Building a Culture of Empathy talks with Marie in this video about her upcoming June 5th webinar and the NEXUS Webinar Series.

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ImageTwo summertime NVC events coming up soon through NVC Santa Cruz, CA

here are two summertime events coming up soon through NVC Santa Cruz. This is our 8th year of FUNfest, our annual retreat in the Santa Cruz Mountains from July 22-26. We ask you pay for room and board, and the teaching is by donation to make it as affordable as possible. Jean Morrison, Kristin Masters, and I will be on hand to offer a myriad of workshops, activities, and games to support your NVC learning and growth. You may also want to mark your calendars for October 18-20 with Robert Gonzales.

For those of you considering teaching NVC, the Live / Teach / Share Event from August 12-17 is a non-residential retreat drawing from decades of NVC training. Our approach is to mentor you in the nuts and bolts of teaching these skills, everything from room set up to how to charge for an event to dealing with "difficult" people (aka, people you are having difficulty with).

For more details email Christine King go to NVCSantaCruz.org or call (831) 440 8979.

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NVC Sound Bytes from the Center for Nonviolent Communication

Hear Marshall B. Rosenberg speak on many Nonviolent Communication topics. These files typically download to your computer and then play. This may take up to several minutes. You may use them for your own listening pleasure.

You need to create an account on the CNVC site to listen to these.
Create Your CNVC Account Here

After you've logged in to your CNVC account come back here and click this link: NVC Sound Bytes,
(otherwise this link will produce an error)

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ImageANV Cartoons (Almost Nonviolent
C
ommunication)

Almost Nonviolent Communication Cartoons, is a process jointly (and often unwittingly) developed by the NVC community! :-)

To understand why the cartoons could be funny it is useful to have some experience with NVC and the NVC community.

All ANVC Cartoons on this website are created by me, Sven Hartenstein. It all started in March 2010 and most cartoons were added later.

Click here to see the List of Cartoons

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NVC Network News