Hello,

As we at PuddleDancer Press take in the recent, and not so recent, violence against Black lives, we see NVC tools and skills as a resource to help us empathize with ourselves and others.

We wish that this special newsletter helps with the mourning and the healing, as we amplify the voices of some who would like to be heard in this extremely painful time — for a pain that is not new.

We want to share this newsletter because we believe in empathy and we stand with Black lives.

We hope that as we amplify Black voices you may be able to use your NVC skills to deeply listen and take empathic action.

We hope so many things, but our words aren't needed right now.

Please listen and please share with others, if you are willing.

Warmly,
PuddleDancer Press

by Roxy Manning PhD

Even in the midst of all that is moving in the world, three experiences left me particularly shaken today. Each gave clarity about what NVC can offer in the midst of these times, and where we need to be vigilant. Here are the three events that shaped my day.

I awoke this morning to a post by a white friend to an NVC listserv. She asked that white members in our group pause and post any messages about the most recent murders of Black Americans to a subgroup that had been created for white people. She wanted to create space for people of color on the listserv to share their experiences and be received with empathy, and wanted to spare them from having to process the reactions of the white listserv participants. I felt a contraction inside.

In the afternoon I went to the post-office to buy stamps for my postcard-writing campaign to get out the vote. I stood in line between two white men, six feet apart from both. They started talking loudly to each other, over my head, about the “thugs” who are rioting, predicting "feral outbreaks" and stating that the murder of George Floyd was no reason for people to destroy their neighborhoods. They spoke only of the riots, of damage to stores and businesses. After listening for five minutes, I said, "Please, it's really hard for me to hear you talk about this, to hear you focus on the riots without acknowledging why they are happening. I'd like to hear what comes up for you when you think of what stimulated the riots, when you think of George Floyd being killed by a police officer in the way he was." One man apologized and stopped talking, soon called to the clerk’s window. The other man started explaining how he was raised not to see color, that he did not see me as a black woman, because “we all bleed red.” He insisted he was raised to treat everyone the same. He then raised his voice as he said, “The thugs would shoot me because they weren’t raised like that. They just see a white man, and that's why I have a gun."

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"It is never too late to give up your prejudices."

Henry David Thoreau

"For it isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it."

Eleanor Roosevelt

"The ultimate measure of a person is not where one stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where one stands in times of challenge and controversy."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

"One day our descendants will think it incredible that we paid so much attention to things like the amount of melanin in our skin or the shape of our eyes or our gender instead of the unique identities of each of us as complex human beings."

Franklin Thomas

"For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."

Nelson Mandela

"People heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with another human being."

Marshall B. Rosenberg

"Race and racism is a reality that so many of us grow up learning to just deal with. But if we ever hope to move past it, it can’t just be on people of colour to deal with it.
It’s up to all of us – Black, white, everyone – no matter how well-meaning we think we might be, to do the honest, uncomfortable work of rooting it out. It starts with self-examination and listening to those whose lives are different from our own. It ends with justice, compassion, and empathy that manifests in our lives and on our streets."

Michelle Obama

"No matter how big a nation is, it is no stronger than its weakest people, and as long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you might otherwise."

Marian Anderson

i can't breathe
said George Floyd
the knee of four hundred years of racism
on his neck
i can't breathe
said the woman with fear
in her eyes
her lungs attacked by coronavirus
as she was put onto the ventilator
i can't breathe
said the nurse, exhausted
after a long shift
sweating under a hot surgical mask
and foggy goggles
i can't breathe
said the one hundred thousand
dead americans
a nation
and a world
in mourning
i can't breathe
said cities choked in smoke
from a planet on fire
i can't breathe
said the earth
suffocating under a blanket
of carbon emissions
breathe my dear
said the buddha of our time
reminding us of the way
to love and healing and transformation
breathe my dear
said the beloved community
grieving
and waking up together
breathe my dear
said mother earth
and let my oceans, mountains,
and forests embrace you
right now
when it seems so hard to breathe
right now
just breathe
--Dzung Vo

"Social change involves helping people see new options for making life wonderful that are less costly to get needs met."

Marshall B. Rosenberg

Freedom Project works to heal the trauma and dismantle the impacts of mass incarceration on directly-impacted people, including their families, children and loved ones by fostering spaces where empathy happens. We offer support accessing critical resources, facilitate workshops on racial equity, anti-oppression, compassionate communication and mindfulness, and collaborate with community partners to advocate for systems change. By centering the leadership, direction and experiences of the community we serve, we seek a shift from punishment to restoration, from oppression to equity, and from apathy to empathy.

Our Prison Programs offer compassionate communication and mindfulness classes in WA prisons, and reduce recidivism by 43%. Our Reentry Programs offer support navigating systems, accessing resources and addressing the impacts of trauma and emotional challenges of reentry. Our Community Programs offer workshops and community-building to address implicit biases that perpetuate racism and structural oppression. This year we are expanding critical support for families impacted by incarceration through Family Circles, spaces for families to build a collective community, connect to critical resources, address trauma and isolation, and build leadership to advocate for systemic change. In our work, we know it is not enough to simply provide resources. We are relational, trauma-sensitive and culturally responsive in our approach, building trust in order to best understand people’s unique and complex needs.

They have compiled a list of funds and organizations to donate to that will help to uplift not only the movement as a whole but also uplift the work and voices of Black organizers including Black youth organizers who have been involved with this work for years.

BLM Funds to Donate to
The Freedom Project

"If you have come to help me you are wasting your time. But if you recognize that your liberation and mine are bound up together, we can walk together."

Lila Watson

"Life’s most urgent question is: What are you doing for others?"

Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Black community is at the center of societal trauma right now. In order to contribute effectively in this time of great pain, make sure you have support flowing in and empathy requests flowing out. To keep support sustainable, we recommend all rings seek support. It may also be helpful to think about who you would like to show up for and how. This is our interpretation of how to use this concept in Cascadia Workshops' article and we hope that it serves you in this way and/or others. 

Visit the original article here, that discusses this concept more generally, provided by Cascadia Workshops 

"I would like us to create peace at three levels and have each of us to know how to do it. First, within ourselves. That is to know how we can be peaceful with ourselves when we’re less than perfect, for example. How we can learn from our limitations without blaming and punishing our self. If we can’t do that, I’m not too optimistic how we’re going to relate peacefully out in the world. Second, between people. Nonviolent Communication training shows people how to create peace within themselves and at the same time how to create connections with other people that allows compassionate giving to take place naturally. And third, in our social systems. To look out at the structures that we’ve created, the governmental structures and other structures, and to look at whether they support peaceful connections between us and if not, to transform those structures."

Marshall B. Rosenberg

• Resources for Black Healing - Google Doc
• San Francisco's Asawa SOTA high school's guide on responding to racial violence - PDF
• 4 Steps That I and Other White People Can Take to Fight Racism - Article
• A more general article on NVC’s approach to racism - Webpage
• The 4 Part Process - PDF
• Needs & Feelings - PDF
• Feelings Versus Evaluations Masquerading as Feelings(Faux Feelings) - PDF
• We have also placed 3 Books that many have found helpful in challenging times at 50% off. Use code Jun2020 if these are of interest:
  • Connecting Across Differences 2nd Edition
  • Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life 3rd Edition
  • Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook, 2nd Edition

Thank you,
Please visit our new website for more information.
PuddleDancer Press