Nonviolent Communication and Dementia Caregiver Support

By Alan Rafael Seid, CNVC Certified Trainer

Improve Your Interpersonal Communication Skills with Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

NVC is a world-renowned, time-tested process for creating the high quality connection out of which we naturally enjoy contributing to one another’s well-being.

I have personally benefitted greatly from NVC, having dramatically improved or transformed all my significant relationships!

What is NVC

NVC is not something that you apply on others!

Nor is it merely a technique.

NVC has a concrete framework, yes, but it also has a mindset.

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, creator of NVC, called the mindset dimension the consciousness and intentionality of NVC.

NVC Consciousness

The consciousness of NVC tells us that when people feel connected, they naturally and spontaneously like to do things for each other.

Humans love contributing to each other’s well-being — but only when we have choice!

As soon as I feel pressured, coerced, or manipulated, I no longer want to do it! I may choose to do it anyway, but I’ll resent it! Give me a chance to do it freely, and, if I choose to do it, it’s an immense pleasure!

The consciousness of NVC tells us that we are all interconnected and interdependent — so when I try to meet my needs at the expense of someone else’s needs, in the long run my needs are not met!

Any time I create a win-lose situation, in the long run I also lose.

So NVC aims for win-win outcomes — solutions that are mutually agreeable, mutually beneficial, and mutually satisfying.
Not only is this possible, in my nearly 30 years of studying the process and more than 20 years as a Certified Trainer I have personally seen it happen thousands of times and have facilitated it for others many hundreds of times!

The intention of NVC is to create a high quality of connection. It is from this level of connectedness that we naturally and spontaneously work together to find outcomes of mutual benefit.

If you practice the framework, the tools of NVC, without this consciousness and intentionality — then it may sound like NVC but it would not be NVC at all. It would merely be a form of manipulation: weaponized pseudo-NVC.

So NVC is not to get others to do what you want!

NVC is to connect so that together we can both get our needs met.

The NVC Framework

Let’s look at three areas for connection and four components that span these three areas.

The NVC framework has three areas of focus on which you can put your attention for the sake of connection:
(1) self-connection (which includes self-empathy);
(2) empathic listening (also referred to as empathy); and,
(3) vulnerable and authentic self-expression (also referred to as honesty).

Each of these three areas contains the four components of the NVC Model: observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

In other words, these four components apply when you’re expressing yourself, when you’re listening with empathy, and when you are connecting with yourself.

For example, instead of saying: “Letting the door shut on me was rude!” — which contains an evaluation of the other person’s behavior — I might use the four components by saying, “When you let the door close on me while I was carrying boxes, I felt some disappointment and frustration because I really wanted some support! Could you let me know why you did that?”

The first sentence contains a judgment: rude. It’s possible that the person didn’t notice me behind them — that it was unintentional — and starting with an attack is likely to lead to defensiveness and resentment, and damage the connection.

The second version was composed of an observation, a feeling connected to a need, and then an actionable request expressing what the speaker wanted about it in that moment.

In real-life interactions, our intention makes a big difference — and tone of voice and body language communicate a lot as well.

The NVC Model is something you get to practice and become used to in a workshop or practice group setting.

Again, the point is not to speak NVC “correctly” — the point is connection. And the consciousness and the tools, together, make that more likely on a consistent basis.

Why NVC is particularly valuable for caregivers under stress.

Caregivers have an incredibly challenging and stressful role. Many times we’re talking about family members who fell into the role by default, and who rarely have opportunities for breaks for their own self-care.

A big part of the challenge includes a feeling of isolation — because caring for a close family member can be so all- consuming.

Learning self-empathy skills, learning how to ask for empathy from people who can give it — along with developing a circle of support that is available for it — are essential for making it through with substantially less burnout.

Compassionate honesty is also important both because it is kinder and takes care of the other person’s self-esteem as well as the relationship, and also because you will feel cleaner about it.

It’s less harsh, and more of integrity if love and kindness are important values to you.

But when we’re exhausted and close to burnout, it’s easier to fall back on old patterns that may include judgmental thinking and language.

As a caregiver, learning how to translate judgmental thinking and language is an essential part of using NVC for your and others’ benefit.

For example, instead of expressing to your elderly parent in frustration, “You always forget to take care of yourself!” — NVC skills would have it come out as, “I’m feeling worried because I care about your well-being. Could we talk about ways to help you remember your self-care?”

Recognizing the Power of Empathy

Empathy means being with the other person in a way that they feel understood and cared for with consideration and compassion. Notice that this does not mean agreeing with the other person’s worldview or behavior. Rather, we’re giving them the experience that somebody gets them!

Because of this, empathy can transform challenging interactions with dementia patients and family members.

Our cultural conditioning often has us judging situations as good and bad, and other people for being right or wrong.

NVC consciousness takes us away from good/bad, right/wrong dichotomies and has us connect with what is alive — in ourselves and others. To describe this aliveness, we use the language of universal human needs.

Needs are our core motivations, what impels us to speak or act, the conditions necessary for us to thrive: love, belonging, mattering, significance, integrity, connection, and so forth. Here is a list for reference. 

When I listen to someone with empathy, I put my attention on their feelings, values, and needs rather than their story. Of course, the meaning they’re giving something helps me connect with them, but I pay more attention to what is deeply important than to their evaluations of who was good, bad, right, or wrong.

When someone has been received with empathy, their nervous system becomes regulated, they are more connected to their feelings, their needs, their potential requests — and they have a lowered emotional charge!

Empathy is entirely distinct from problem-solving or advice-giving!

This is not to say that solving problems or giving useful advice is bad. The point is that we often skip empathy and connection, simply out of habit!

Start with empathy and connection. Once you are connected, once there is compassionate understanding, then advice or problem-solving could either be exactly what’s needed or it could be moot. So start with empathic connection!

Here is a valuable insight about empathy: if the other person can’t give me empathy, it’s because they need it; if I can’t give empathy, it’s because I need it.

When I’m charged emotionally, or when I’m triggered, it’s much more challenging to be fully present to the other person’s feelings and needs!

So, what to do?

If I can, I will turn to someone in my circle of support for empathy. This could be a five or 10 minute phone call!

And very often I can accomplish my own self-regulation and self- connection through self-empathy.

If you can become skilled at giving yourself self-empathy in the moment, that could give you a powerful foundation for effective caregiving. However, self-empathy, while valuable and necessary, does not replace the power of a compassionate community of support.

Self-Connection: Start with Your Own Needs

It is so important to recognize your feelings and unmet needs as a caregiver!

It’s my personal stance that I am a less effective caregiver if I am depleted.

Self-care is essential! And self-empathy, is a hugely valuable form of self-care!

Connecting with yourself empathically is something you could accomplish with some simple self-connection practices like journaling or a quick self-check-in using the NVC framework.

Below is an example:

Self-Empathy Checklist

You can use the steps below to walk yourself through a process of self-connection. Afterwards, I’ll describe a couple other ways you can use this checklist.

1) Situation
This is the overall context. For example, my father fell asleep and I wanted to take the opportunity to go out and get a coffee.

2) Observation(s)
This is something concrete and observable, and it is differentiated from the story or any interpretations, evaluations, or judgments.
For example, it took me almost 10 minutes to get my things together, and as I got to the door to step out I heard my father call for me.

3) Thoughts
This includes the meaning you make of things. Your thoughts include limiting beliefs or any judgments, evaluations, or interpretations of what is happening. Your story about the situation or observations is included here.
For example, why does this always happen to me? I can’t even get away for 15 minutes! I never get any time to myself! My life sucks!

4) Bodily sensations

This includes anything you feel physically. It may or may not be obviously related to numbers 1-3 — though typically we are looking for what arises in your body along with what is happening outside.

For example, tension in my arms and shoulders, tight belly, heat in my arms and mid-section, pulsing in my neck and head.

5) Feelings
Here we are looking for actual emotions rather than words like “I feel manipulated” which is a thought, a meaning, or a story.

(If I ask five people what they feel when they “feel manipulated” I can get five different emotions. When they see themselves as manipulated, one person might feel angry, another confused, another sad, then irritated, afraid, and so forth. That’s why “I feel manipulated” is not a feeling but a thought. And so you take that thought to #3, above, and come back.)

For example, I feel anger, resentment, irritation, discouragement, sadness, disappointment.

6) Needs and Values
What is it that’s important to you at the deepest level you can access?
You can put this in a language of needs, or values, or simply “[blank] _____ is important to me.” This could also be something I was really wanting, was hoping for, or something I was longing or yearning for.

For example, space, self-care, a change of environment, distraction, support… whatever it is that you’re really longing for or that would have been deeply important to you.

Don’t worry about being too formal or too exacting about whether something is an actual universal human need or not.

For example, above I added “distraction,” which in this case might be a strategy. And under distraction I might find a need for self- care. With practice, you can go deeper to the underlying needs.

One way to get to the deeper needs is to ask yourself, “if I had this, then what would that give me?” or, “if I had this, then what would I have?”

For example, “if I had something to distract me from the intense caregiving I’m offering, then I would have a respite, some self- care time to recharge.”

So let’s put the last six lines together in one self-empathy narrative, before we get to the request:

My father fell asleep and I wanted to take the opportunity to go out and get a coffee.
It took me almost 10 minutes to get my things together, and as I got to the door to step out I heard my father call for me.
I’m thinking “why does this always happen to me? I can’t even get away for 15 minutes! I never get any time to myself! My life sucks!”
I feel tension in my arms and shoulders, a tight belly, heat in my arms and mid-section, and pulsing in my neck and head.
I feel anger, resentment, irritation, discouragement, sadness, and disappointment… because I have needs for space, self-care, a change of environment, (distraction) a mental break, respite, and for support!

Notice that connecting the feelings to the needs takes your attention away from blame and fault, and deeper to what is important, the longing.

There may very well be a need to grieve and mourn all the unmet needs. Letting yourself mourn unmet needs can actually be refreshing, in the way that fueling anger, blame, and resentment is caustic to your being.

Grief and mourning allow you to discharge some of that emotional energy and can connect you more deeply to your needs.

I have found that my moments of suffering — when I used them well — deepened my compassion, and allowed me to become a stronger person and a better human being.

Let’s look at the final item in our checklist: actionable requests.

7) Requests
This could be one or more requests, of yourself and/or someone else.

Requests come directly from connection with your needs. And requests are entirely context-dependent.

Some examples in the above scenario:

• I want to remind myself that this too shall pass, and to be patient both with dad and with myself.
• Since he usually goes to bed early, I will take time for self-care this evening.
•  I’d like to consider calling (my sister, a neighbor) to see if they can watch him sometime for a couple of hours so that I can get out for a bit.
• I’d like to remind myself of getting both down-time and recharge time. I don’t want to use my precious alone time doing something that fulfills neither of these!

Valuable tip for using the above list:
Though you start at #1 and you want to make sure that requests, the last step, come from connection with your needs — give yourself permission to be non-linear, to move more fluidly among the items in the list. Perhaps a feeling comes, and then a thought occurs to you, and then you go back to a feeling and a need, and then you remember another observation… it’s ok to bounce around a bit.

Remember to be gentle with yourself!

Below are a couple of other ways — one slower and one faster — to use the self-empathy checklist.

How to Use the Self-Empathy Checklist

You can use the above checklist in various ways.

If you allow yourself to go slowly at the beginning, the process will, over time, go faster and faster.

If you rush it, it will not be as useful.
Slow, deep learning way

1. Copy the list into a notebook or pad of paper. You will refer to this list over and over, each time you do the exercise.

• Situation
• Observation
• Thoughts
• Sensations
• Feelings
• Needs
• Requests

2. I recommend going analog (paper and pencil/pen, rather than digital) because it will contribute to slowing down your mind and allow you to work more deeply.

3. Next, on a fresh sheet, fill out the information for each section. This is a self-reflective exercise. Let yourself go slowly and connect deeply with yourself in your mind and body. Allow the portion of sensations, feelings, and needs to be more somatic (in your body) than mental or intellectual.

4. Remember to get clear on your needs and values before going to the request(s).

5. If the requests do not seem doable, ask yourself how? …and keep breaking it down into bite-sized pieces. For example, “get support” might seem too big, possibly overwhelming, and not quite doable. Take a deep breath, ask yourself “how might I get support?” And let the brainstorming begin. If the items that arise as you ask how? still seem too big, take each one of them and ask how? again, of each one. Continue this process until you have concrete actions like a conversation, an email, or a phone call with a specific person. It’s ok if your answer to the question how? is a stepping-stone in the direction of getting more clarity. Go with the clarity you have and allow more to emerge as you follow the process.

Faster, quicker way to use the self-empathy checklist
1. Copy the list somewhere you can review on the fly, such as a pocket notebook or a notes app on your phone. You will refer to this list over and over, each time you do the exercise (until you’ve done it enough that you have it memorized).

• Situation
• Observation
• Thoughts
• Sensations
• Feelings
• Needs
• Requests

2. When you need to, scan the list and answer each section mentally. It’s very valuable to start with the situation and observation and to end with the request — but feel free to move non-linearly in between.

For example, I might start with the situation and observation, then notice that I have a feeling, then go to my thoughts, then identify one or more needs, etc.

Allow the portion of sensations, feelings, and needs to be more somatic (in your body) than mental or intellectual.

Make sure you are distinctly connected to your needs before going to the request(s)!

3. As you do this over time, you will have the list mentally without needing to refer to the visual list.

4. Emphasize the feelings and the needs — and move to the request(s) of yourself or others once the needs are clear.

As you do this exercise over time, you will be able to stay self- connected in the moment, or at least get there faster!

Effectively Communicating With People Who Have Dementia

How do you communicate more effectively with people who have dementia?

When you want to communicate more effectively, the first thing to consider is to get out of binary, all/nothing thinking. It’s not just two options: 0 or 100 — our communication is either 100% effective or completely ineffective.

There is a big spectrum, and we want to move toward more effective, more connected communication.

Please be compassionate with yourself and your situation, and give yourself the grace of allowing things to improve.

Every communication process has at least two parts, speaking and listening, also known as giving and receiving. NVC gives you a third crucial dimension: self-connection.

Giving yourself empathy as you go will help a lot. And, as mentioned earlier, setting up a circle of empathic and practical support will also help.

To the extent that you are self-connected, you can identify when you are regulated and when you are dis-regulated.

Mentally judging yourself or others usually happens when we are disregulated, and translating judgments to the underlying feelings and needs is a valuable form of self-connection and self-care.

When I’m triggered, it’s harder to turn my attention toward others with empathy.

So noticing when I’m triggered or disregulated, paying attention to any judgmental thinking I have, and then handling those judgments effectively — is precisely what NVC helps you do, so that you can then offer compassionate understanding toward the needs another person is expressing through their behaviors.

Understanding the Needs Behind Behaviors

If I notice that I’m judging the other person that means I have unmet needs.

As I connect to the unmet needs that underly my thinking, then I can slow down to turn my empathic attention toward, for example, the person with dementia.

You can learn to see dementia-related behaviors — for example appearing confused or acting aggressively — through the lens of the underlying unmet needs.

One of the practices NVC teaches you is how to observe without evaluating, even in emotionally charged moments.

The neutral facts — for example, something a camera or a microphone could pick up — is what we mean in NVC by an observation.

A video camera does not pick up “rude,” “appropriate,” “inappropriate” — these are evaluations.

For example:

Evaluation: “He’s totally irresponsible going out and wandering around the neighborhood! He is such a pain! ”

Observation: “He left the house on his own and was walking around the neighborhood. I tell myself that he seemed disoriented and didn’t know where he was.”

(In this last one “I tell myself” is a way of owning my interpretation alongside the observable behavior.)

Once I have a clear, observable behavior, then what was the impact at the level of feelings and needs?

To continue the above example: “I felt alarmed, scared, and confused out of a need for safety!”

That reconnects you with yourself!

Then silent empathy could sound like, “I wonder why he did that? Was he trying to find his way to a recognizable place, like home, out of a need for comfort and security?”

Your empathic guess doesn’t have to be 100% accurate. Simply notice the difference between “he’s totally irresponsible and a pain” and the genuine care and curiosity behind trying to connect with the underlying needs of the other person’s behavior.

It helps immensely to have a vocabulary of Universal Human Needs. Here’s the resource I shared above, once again.

 Speaking Simply and Clearly with Connection

So how might you communicate clearly with your person going through dementia in a way that you can stay connected?

The trick is to tailor your communication for someone with dementia by simplifying your language and without losing empathy.

For example, instead of “you never listen to me!” use “I’m feeling sad because I need understanding. Can we try again?”

The way to connect often depends on how advanced the dementia is. In some cases the way to connect is often literally like talking to a young child — not in a condescending way, but by using fewer and simpler words, and being extra kind and patient.

And if you notice that you’re losing access to empathy this is a sign to be compassionate with yourself!

Keep in mind: if I can’t give empathy it’s because I need it. If they cannot give me empathy it’s because they need it.

The key is simplifying your language, and anchoring yourself in curiosity, care, and compassion — for yourself and the other person.

Of course you will need to account for the situation and context — for example, the history of the relationship (parent/child dynamics), power dynamics (such as a caregiver hired by the family), etc. — as these offer unique constraints and opportunities.

Using Nonverbal Communication to Foster Connection

Can I use nonverbal communication for connection?

Short answer: yes!

You can combine verbal NVC with nonverbal cues such as eye contact, touch, and modulating your tone of voice.

When you are self-connected and aware of what is happening for you this is much easier!

Remember that empathy does not mean always reflecting back the other person’s feelings and needs! Reflecting back is a strategy that may contribute to the other person feeling empathically understood. It closes the loop of understanding, and I only use it if I think it would be comforting or reassuring to the other person, or to check something out if I actually didn’t understand.

Most of the time, empathy happens in silence — in all relationships.

So when language becomes limited, nonverbal, silent empathy can matter even more.

How?

Practice putting your attention on the other person’s feelings and needs rather than who is right or wrong, good or bad, correct or incorrect. Where you put your attention, in silence, can make a world of difference.

Real-life example: the last conversation I had with my father before he died

Though my father did not have dementia, this story is illustrative of how to handle someone who does not seem connected to this reality.

My dad had Stage IV Cancer, which included a tumor behind his eye that was pressing into his brain, causing him to have hallucinations and other dementia-like symptoms.

“Your father seems to be reliving his childhood, as if he’s back in New England,” my mother reported.

I had just spent an hour on the phone with my mother. She told me everything: what they had for breakfast, who they had talked to on the phone, who came to visit, what they had for lunch… all the details of their day.

After she and I wrapped up our conversation she asked, “so do you want to speak with your father?”

“Of course!” I answered.

He gets on the phone, and proceeds to say in a very ominous voice: “Somebody called…”

I sat there, a little stunned because of his tone of voice.

He repeated himself in the same ominous tone: “somebody called…”

Not knowing what to say, I responded, “Oh yeah?” “Yes, they want to kidnap you and your mother!”

Inside, I felt surprised and shocked. His statement really threw me off. I didn’t quite know what to do with it. I felt perplexed, confused, intrigued, and concerned.

I knew this had literally not happened.

So I sat there in silence, trying to connect with my own feelings and needs, and trying to determine the next step in the conversation.

He said it again, “Somebody called… they want to kidnap you and your mother…”

Something clicked for me: empathy!

“Wow, dad, it sounds like you’re really concerned about my and
mom’s safety and well-being!”

From the phone came a big sigh of relief, the kind I’ve heard hundreds of times when someone feels understood. “Yeah!” he said…

I sat there in silence. I felt grateful to connect with his concern for my and my mom’s safety. And I knew enough to not argue about whether or not somebody had actually called! What this man needed was compassion for his fear and concern, not a conversation about the facts.

And it would have been less-than-compassionate to try to explain rationally, “Father, you have a tumor behind your eye which is pressing on your brain, causing you to hallucinate.” He was in a deeply emotional place, and what he most needed was compassionate, empathic presence in that moment.

“I’m hearing that you feel really concerned for me and mom.”

Big sigh, “Yeah…”

Then I got curious and decided to follow the thread of something he said.

“What do they want?” I asked, referring to the imaginary kidnappers.

He thought for a moment and said, “money.”

OK – his concern is becoming more clear to me.

I imagine a scenario in which someone kidnaps me and my mom for ransom money. I ask: “Should I give it to them?”

Long pause. “I don’t know,” he finally replies.

“Hey, dad… it sounds like you’re really concerned about my and mom’s physical safety and financial well-being…”

Big sigh, “yeah!”

Slowing down, letting that sink in, allowing him to feel heard… “I
really hear you!”

I finally said, “Hey dad, I got this. I’m looking out for me and mom.
I will make sure we’re both safe and financially ok.”

He seemed immensely relieved. I interpreted this as exactly the permission he needed to let go.

The next day my mom called me letting me know my father had died.

Facilitating Compassionate Communication with Dementia Patients

As dementia progresses and faculties diminish, the person experiencing it requires increasing care.

Communicating compassionately is a valuable contribution to their quality of life!

Balancing Empathy for Yourself and the Patient

In the role of caregiver, exhaustion, frustration, and burnout are unfortunately commonplace.

As we’ve seen throughout this article — and especially if you’ve had a chance to develop your skills and practice it — NVC supports you with strategies for managing frustration or burnout while maintaining compassion.

Making sure you are receiving enough empathic support will help you recognize when your own unmet needs, for example for rest or support, are impacting your communication.

When self-care, including empathy and self-empathy, feel hard to access, this is when they are most critically important. A fountain cannot share water outside of itself if it is empty.

Though very often adequate support may seem hard to find, NVC will be an asset for compassionate self-talk as well as for your ability to express your needs and requests regarding support.

Staying Present and Curious

NVC teaches me to stay in the present, which is why practicing mindfulness complements your NVC practice.

Curiosity, and the ability to be in a space of I don’t know, is another useful and empowering mindset.

Mindfulness and curiosity will support understanding and connection in the many unpredictable conversations that can happen in your role as caregiver.

For example, when the person with dementia repeatedly asks the same question, how would it change the dynamic if you were able to respond with curiosity?

Learn to Handle Difficult Conversations with Family, Providers, and Caregivers

When a loved one is suffering from dementia or requires memory care, conversations among and between family, healthcare providers, and caregivers can become strained.

Imagine if everyone on the team had a sufficient understanding of NVC and a functional level of skillfulness with it!

Even though it would not solve everything, a shared understanding that we are working together for everyone’s needs to be met — and having the skills for it — would be a game- changer for most people.

This is why it’s critical to start developing NVC skills now, both at home and in the healthcare industry — reminding us of the proverb, dig your well before you’re thirsty.

Hypothetical Examples of NVC in Action

Below are some brief hypothetical illustrations of how you might frame things using NVC:

A Family Member with a Patient:

A caregiver feels frustrated because their parent repeatedly
accuses them of stealing.

NVC response: “I hear that you’re feeling upset. Are you needing reassurance that your things are safe?”

A Family Member with a Provider:

A family member is upset because a doctor dismisses their concerns about medication side effects.

NVC response: “I’m feeling uneasy because I need understanding about my parent’s condition. Could you share more about the risks and benefits of this treatment?”

Bringing NVC to Family Dynamics

NVC supports you in bringing empathy, honesty, and self-care to family dynamics.

Using NVC with other family members to navigate conflicts about care decisions has the greatest potential for preserving the relationships, as well as for finding the strategies that everyone can be on board with.

For example, “I feel overwhelmed because I need clarity. Can we talk about how to divide responsibilities?” — can initiate an important conversation leading the family to collaborate on care for their loved one with dementia.

Advocating for Your Loved One with Providers

You can use NVC to make respectful, effective requests of healthcare professionals.

For example, if your initial impulse is to say “You’re not listening to me!” NVC could help you turn that into “I feel concerned because I need reassurance about their treatment plan.”

Slowing down and practicing self-connection first will help you communicate with clarity, power, and compassion!

Receiving and Responding to Criticism Nonviolently

If you’ve been working hard as the primary caregiver, receiving criticism from family about how you’re functioning in your role can be very painful!

Starting with self-care, remind yourself that you’ve been doing your best.

Even if what you’ve been doing and how you’ve been doing it has been less-than-perfect, I would bet you are still doing the best you can with the knowledge, skills, and resources you have!

A little self-compassion can go a long way to helping you then turn your empathic attention toward the criticism you’re experiencing from someone else.

First, remember that any judgment or criticism is an expression of unmet needs.

If you can truly hear their unmet needs as being more about them than you, to that extent you are less likely to get defensive and will be able to hear them with compassion.

Family dynamics are challenging enough as it is! When you add a family member with dementia and the strain of caregiving — that stress can make conversations even more challenging!

When dealing with criticism from others, remember your compassionate self-connection.

NVC also reminds us of the power of separating observations from judgments in heated discussions.

And it reminds us that if we can stay in a language of feelings and needs — and make clear requests — we are more likely to care for our loved ones and for each other in a collaborative way.

You will know you are really progressing in your NVC skills when you can move fluidly between empathy, honesty, and self- connection — in order to handle even the most difficult interpersonal challenges.

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg on Nonviolent Communication and Caregiving

Marshall Rosenberg had some key insights on human nature in caregiving.

When he was a young boy he saw his uncle take care of his own mother (Marshall’s grandmother) in a loving, patient, and kind way. This connected him with the joy of being of service to others.

As a student of famous psychologist Carl Rogers, Marshall saw the immense value of empathy as a universal way to connect with each other’s humanity.

His insights on needs as a universal language — since all humans share the same needs — helped him develop the consciousness and the framework of NVC.

We can have empathy for our own and others’ needs, and learn how to express them in a way that others can connect with.

This is why the principles of NVC remain effective even when cognitive abilities decline. Of course, you then need to adapt your use of NVC to fit the situation, so that you are connecting effectively.

Dr. Rosenberg taught us how to reframe “difficult” behaviors as a cry for connection — helping us shift our perspective to become less judgmental and more compassionate.

His perspective on seeing challenging behaviors as deriving from unmet needs is a critical reframing that can guide caregivers’ responses toward themselves and the ones for whom they care.

PuddleDancer Press Books for Improving Communication Skills in Healthcare

PuddleDancer Press is the foremost proponent and publisher of books on Nonviolent Communication in healthcare.

NVC has shown time and again that human beings are capable of arriving at mutually satisfying outcomes, even in challenging contexts.

Because of the trust-building process involved, and the fact that the solutions include everyone’s buy-in, using NVC in a healthcare setting predictably gives us outcomes that meet a greater number of needs and are more durable.

Our books on NVC in healthcare can help you:

• Create mutual understanding without coercion,
• Create exceptional personal and professional relationships, • Offer compassionate understanding to others,
• Know when and how to ask for that same understanding for yourself,
• Prevent and resolve misunderstandings and conflicts, and
• Speak your truth in a clear, powerful way more likely to lead to harmony than conflict.

Whether you are a long-time student — or are brand new to NVC — PuddleDancer Press has the educational resources, including the books on NVC and healthcare, to help you grow your emotional intelligence, interpersonal skills, and communication prowess.

Check out our catalog of books on how to apply NVC in all areas, including healthcare… and give yourself the gift of Compassionate Communication!

More information on Books related to Dementia

NVC Dementia Web Resources

Click here for Marshall Rosenberg Dementia Articles
Click here for Marshall Rosenberg Dementia Videos
Click here for Nonviolent Communication Dementia Articles
Click here for Nonviolent Communication Dementia Videos