Meeting at the Threshold: Nonviolent Communication and Psychedelic Medicine

by Alan Rafael Seid, CNVC Certified Trainer

This article is for educational purposes only, and expressly encourages you, the reader, to stay within the bounds of the law, and to access qualified guidance with regard to psychedelic medicine.

Introduction: a spiritual confluence

Psychedelic medicine is going through a resurgence and a revival.

That said, these medicines are still largely misunderstood in mainstream culture — and prone to abuse by the misinformed.

Some of them have been used in ceremony for thousands of years — and modern science, doing what it does, is catching up on understanding both the brain chemistry and the quantum implications.

Big Pharma is getting in the game too, investing billions in research, development, and, of course, patents.

The focus of this article is on psychedelic medicine. I’m not passing judgment on recreation use of these substances, but you should know that unsupervised use comes with risks.

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a powerful modality that emerged from clinical psychology during the 1960s. Through NVC people heal and deepen relationships, clarify their deeper motivations in any given situation, prevent and resolve conflicts, and so much more!

First I will define NVC. Then we’ll dive into the world of psychedelic medicine and learn some key distinctions there.

Then we’ll look at the intersection of these two worlds that have much more in common than initially meets the eye!

One of the hypotheses of this article is that NVC is a powerful modality for professional healers and coaches who employ psychedelics in their practice — as well as for people who want to reduce stress, improve their relationship with themselves, and have closer and more functional personal and professional relationships overall.

What is Nonviolent Communication (NVC)?

NVC is primarily a consciousness practice — a liberation-centered approach giving us a new paradigm for how we relate to ourselves and others.

NVC also comes with a framework and a set of concrete communication practices — for speaking, listening, and interior clarity — with which you can become more skilled.

When people use it as a technique — but forget the consciousness and the intentionality — it doesn’t seem to work as well! (More on this below…)

The Name

Nonviolent Communication was named from a sense of alignment with Gandhi’s movement of nonviolence. The original words in Hindi have no direct translation into English, but refer to both compassion (ahimsa) and the power of the truth (satyagraha).

NVC is also taught as Compassionate Communication, Empathic Communication, Conscious Communication, Empowered Communication and other names.

One of my favorite names for the process is Life-Connected, Life-Serving Communication — a bit long, but more descriptive.

Sometimes it is referred to as giraffe language, or simply giraffe. This is just a metaphor referring to giraffes having a big heart as well as a sense of perspective due to their height. In this metaphor, the perspective is that any time you create a win/lose situation, eventually you also lose. Any time you meet your needs at the expense of somebody else’s needs, in the long run your needs will not be met.

We are interconnected, interrelated, and interdependent… and NVC gives us powerful approaches for creating mutually beneficial outcomes.

The higher your skill level, the more consistently you can facilitate these kinds of win-win outcomes between yourself and others, and among other people.

The History

NVC was initially developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg who had a PhD in clinical psychology. He studied under famous psychologist Carl Rogers who at the time was researching empathy and why it is that authentic human connection can be so healing.

Dr. Rosenberg sought to identify and incorporate the essential elements in thought, language, communication, and the use of power that could contribute to a high quality of connection between people.

The Purpose

The purpose of NVC is to create a high quality of connectedness out of which we naturally and spontaneously enjoy contributing to one another’s well-being.

Quality of Connection is both a key concept and a lived understanding in NVC.

When we are disconnected from each other we question each other’s motives, take things more personally, and feel less safe approaching each other to create repair or resolution.

When there is connection and trust we are more understanding and forgiving, we more readily extend grace to one another, and we much more easily prevent and resolve misunderstandings and conflicts.

In the pages that follow, we’ll look at exactly how NVC helps you achieve this consistently.

First, we’ll take a brief glimpse at what might be considered the opposite of NVC: violent communication, which is more accurately named Life-Disconnected, Life-Alienated Thinking and Language.

The linguistic shortcut NVC practitioners use is “Jackal” — another human metaphor that, like “giraffe,” has little to do with the animals in the natural world.

The reason for starting here is that (1) you may notice patterns you inherited that are hurting your relationships unintentionally, and, (2) this will provide a valuable contrast for when we look at NVC more closely.

Jackal — the thinking and language least likely to get us the connection we seek

The metaphor of the jackal refers to the image of an animal that is close to the ground and lacks the perspective of others’ needs mattering as much as their own. It would be like going through the world with blinders, and prioritizing your needs over everyone else’s.

The word jackal is a bit problematic because we don’t in any way want to demonize canines! It’s valuable to keep in mind that this is a human-centered metaphor which has very little to do with the real animals in the wild.

That said, the word jackal gives us a useful linguistic shortcut, since Life-Disconnected, Life-Alienated Thinking and Language is a bit long and unwieldy!

The trap of jackal

Jackal thinking itself is based on rigid concepts of good/bad and right/wrong.

Because jackal thinking and language tends to alienate and create disconnection, and because of our old habits of thinking and language, it would be easy to label jackal as “bad.”

However, that would be falling right back into that jackal thinking!

Instead of jackal being bad — I think of it as a way of thinking and speaking that I predict will take me away from the quality of connection that leads to win-win, mutually-satisfying outcomes.

Instead of jackal being bad — I think of it as a way of thinking and speaking that I predict will not meet my needs.

Jackal is an old pattern of habituation. This way of thinking and speaking comes from the culture and past generations — and has essentially become a habit.

NVC helps us transcend this way of thinking and speaking so that our communication moves us — powerfully, intentionally — in the direction of connection and mutually beneficial outcomes.

The 5 Elements of Jackal

1) Diagnoses

This does not refer to valid medical diagnoses. Rather it’s the way we put ourselves and others in a box using labels.

“The problem with her is she’s (a Libra, OCD, a basket case, stupid, etc.).”

“I drink because I’m an alcoholic.”

“You’re such a bad driver!”

Name-calling, criticism, and judgments fall into this category.

Also in this category is telling others what they think, feel, or intend.

“You had no reason to do that!”

“You think I’m dumb!”

“You said that, but you didn’t mean it!”

It turns out that being told what your intentions are, or being told what you think and feel, can be very disconnecting!

I want to point out that most judgments use static language. In other words, the verb “to be” is very important in jackal, because once you know who is what — especially who is “good” and “bad” — then you know who to reward or punish (more on this below).

Suffice it to say that jackal is understood as a form of static language while NVC is a process language which recognizes that life is dynamic and ever-changing.

2) Denial of Responsibility

This involves language that denies that we have choice.

“I can’t.”

“You have to.”

And, infamously from World War II, “I was just following superiors’ orders!”

You may not like any of the options that you are aware of, but within that you still have choice!

Here’s an exercise you can do:

Draw a line top to bottom, dividing a sheet of paper in half. You can also do this digitally.

On the left-hand column, make the following list:

“I have to _____,” and write down all the things you tell yourself that you have to do. (“I have to go to work.” “I have to feed the dog.” And so on.)

Now, across from each one, write “I choose to ______, because ______,” with the same action, followed by your reasons for taking that action, or what needs of yours taking that action meets.

“I have to take the kids to school,” becomes, “I choose to take the kids to school because it meets my needs for love, care, and support.”

See if you can find the actual deeper motivation for each one of those actions. This will take you from any, even subtle, victim thinking to acknowledging and owning your power in choosing.

Marshall Rosenberg did this exact same exercise. When he got to, “I have to write clinical reports” — he realized that he was doing it for the money, and that was no longer enough motivation. That is when he quit his private clinical psychology practice and started driving a taxi while he continued to develop Nonviolent Communication!

Examples of Denial of Responsibility:

A teacher

Denial of Responsibility: “I have to give you grades. It’s school policy.”

Taking Responsibility: “I choose to give you grades because I want to keep my job.” Or, “I choose to give you grades and I’d like to explain the value that I see in giving grades.”

A police officer

Denial of Responsibility: “I have to give you a ticket, it’s the law!”

Taking Responsibility: “I recorded you doing 60 in a 20 and I value safety, so I am choosing to give you a ticket.”

A parent:

Denial of Responsibility: “It hurts mommy when you don’t make your bed!”

Taking Responsibility: “There is value in making your bed, and I’d like to explain why it’s important to me.”

3) Demands

In NVC we express requests rather than demands.

That said, a demand is very much like a request, except that it contains an implicit or explicit threat that if you don’t do what I want then you will face some sort of punishment.

In a demand, by definition, the other person’s needs matter less than your own.

The action itself is more important than whether or not it works for the person in question, and whether or not they are doing it out of some motivation that could hurt the relationship. There is more on “jackal motivations” below.

4) “Deserve” aka the justification of reward and punishment

I wrote earlier that jackal is a static language. The verb “to be” is important so we can know who is what — especially who is “good” and “bad” — because then we know who to reward and punish.

The Myth of Redemptive Violence is a term coined by theologian Walter Wink to describe the idea that some people become better human beings when they have violence exacted on them.

We call our prisons penitentiaries precisely because we send people there to do penance. However, guilt and shame block learning and self-reflection — so improving or transforming through punitive tactics is relatively unheard of.

If you want to see a clear example of the myth of redemptive violence, look no further than children’s super hero cartoons. There are “good guys” and “bad guys.” And the bad guys are punished, locked up, humiliated, or pulverized — because they deserve it. And the good guys are accepted, rewarded, loved on, and celebrated — right at the climax of the show!

If you go to any conflict anywhere in the world and you ask someone if they are part of the good guys or the bad guys, every single person without exception will say that they are part of the good guys and whoever they are fighting are the bad guys.

So within this element of jackal thinking, you get play God and cast judgment on who is “bad.”

As counterparts to punitive justice, in which I see little value, are restorative justice and transformative justice. (In case it is of interest to you, here is an article on NVC and Restorative Justice.)

5) Jackal motivations aka coercion

There are certain motivations that breed resentment and destroy relationships. Any time we do anything for each other coming from these energies, it will damage intimacy, connection, and trust.

These include:

• Fear
• Guilt
• Shame
• Duty & Obligation
• To get a reward
• To avoid punishment
• “Shoulds” and
• “Have Tos”

If you do anything for me, or I for you, out of these energies the relationship will pay a cost.

When we do anything for each other out of these energies, it creates an environment that breeds resentment.

If you have me associated with trying to motivate you again and again out of fear and shame — then it’s very likely that in the long run my needs will matter less to you.

This is one important reason why we use requests, rather than demands, in NVC!

The deep insight NVC has to offer in this area is that the energy with which we do anything for each other is just as important as the action itself.

These five elements: diagnoses, denial of responsibility, demands, justification of reward and punishment, and jackal motivations constitute the thinking and language that will get in the way of a high quality of connection.

You can see why having a linguistic shortcut — jackal — can be so helpful!

The issue is that most of the time we think and speak this way unconsciously. It’s an inheritance no one asked for — an old habit.

Your NVC practice will automatically make these tendencies more visible as you train yourself in the consciousness and skills for creating connection and mutually beneficial outcomes.

Developing your NVC skills

NVC is typically taught in a workshop or classroom setting — and there are many options, online and offline.

You can learn more about the basics of NVC, here.

This book is a classic text for learning the principles and concepts of Nonviolent Communication.

Because having a tool and being skillful with a tool are different, I recommend building your NVC skills through online or in-person workshops and attending a practice group.

Besides workshops and a practice group, if you want to go deep, I highly recommend attending an International Intensive Training (IIT) put on by the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC). At an IIT you live immersed for about 9 days with a group of people sharing the intention to learn NVC — which is one of the most effective ways to deepen your understanding and skills.

Key Differentiations in NVC

Let’s look at a few of the key differentiations from NVC that are relevant to our topic.

The two games people play

When I met Marshall Rosenberg in 1995 he had been traveling the world mediating conflicts and training people in NVC for decades.

And he said that everywhere in the world, in every culture, people were playing one of two games.

One of those games is called who’s right, and who’s wrong? and the other game is called how can I make life more wonderful?

These precisely map on to jackal and giraffe.

Jackal thinking fixates on right and wrong.

On the other hand, when people feel connected they naturally and spontaneously play the latter game: how can I make life more wonderful? This is the essence of NVC.

NVC Consciousness vs the NVC Model

When I taught my first Intro to NVC in 1998, I reached out to my primary mentor at the time, Lucy Leu, and I asked: do you think I’m ready?

She replied: “you’re definitely ready. Just remember to teach it as a consciousness rather than a technique.”

The framework of NVC — the model — has three areas where you can put your attention in service of connecting: expressing honestly or vulnerably, listening compassionately or empathically, and self-connecting for interior clarity and self-compassion.

These three areas are each its own “toolbox” — with exercises and skill-building within each one. We also practice moving fluidly between them as needed.

Each of these three areas has the same four components: observation, feeling, need, request.

It might seem straightforward enough!

However — if I forget that the core intention is to create the high quality of connectedness most likely to lead to a win-win, then the technique side becomes a subtle form of manipulation, which is far, far away from NVC.

A weaponized NVC — playing the game of who’s right and who’s wrong, but using NVC language — is not NVC at all!

So the consciousness and the intentionality are primary!

You can develop skillfulness with the tools over time while never losing sight of the consciousness: All humans have the same needs, we can connect at the level of our shared humanity, and from there find mutually agreeable solutions and outcomes.

Needs vs Strategies

Having clarity on what is a need and what is a strategy can save you a lot of trouble and grief in both personal and professional settings.

Here are some quick definitions, and why this differentiation is so important.

Universal human needs can be defined in various ways. They are:

• the conditions necessary for life to thrive in any human being, regardless of cultural background or geographic location.
• core human motivators. Needs are what impels us to speak or act. Any time someone speaks or acts it is in the service of one or more needs, whether or not that person is aware of what they are.
• energies that want to flow, not holes to be filled. We are not referring to a sense of lack — but rather, a way life force shows up in us.
• how Life is seeking to show up in this moment — in me, you, and others: trust, belonging, consideration, safety, connection, autonomy, and so on.

Strategies, on the other hand, are important because they are the specific ways we try to attend to needs.

However, strategies are not universal!

Conflicts don’t happen at the level of needs, because we all have the same needs. Conflicts happen at the level of strategies!

This is why if you can distill any conflict to the underlying universal human needs then people can connect with each other’s humanity and it’s much easier to arrive at a mutually satisfying strategy.

Power-Over vs Power-With

Jackal is a paradigm of power-over, in which I get to place demands and try to boss others around.

NVC is a paradigm of power-with, in which power is shared for mutually beneficial outcomes.

Even when there is structural power — boss/employee or parent/child, for example — the people with greater structural power can still use it in a way that uplifts and empowers, rather than disempowers, degrades, or dismisses.

Protective Use of Force vs Punitive Use of Force

NVC does not deny that we may at times need to use force in order to protect life.

This is distinct from punitive use of force, in which force is used to punish.

I may need to use my physical strength to protect someone who is being bullied — but inside me, the intention is to protect life. NVC helps me understand that someone would only bully or be abusive to another if they are deeply hurting; their needs are not met!

So without justifying, condoning, or excusing hurtful behavior, we can still have compassion for the needs of the aggressor while creating safety. If we choose, and if circumstances permit, we can also work to help them find other ways of meeting their needs that are in harmony with the needs of others.

It’s rare to my understanding, but occasionally in psychedelic containers people have acted physically in ways that could hurt themselves or others, or that led to the facilitators feeling concerned or alarmed.

I would want this distinction between punitive use of force and protective use of force to be very clear in facilitators’ minds when they move to physically restrain anybody!

These are some key differentiations for both the NVC practitioner as well as for those who support people in psychedelic containers.

If you are a practitioner already working in the psychedelic space, moving in that direction, or at this stage thinking about it — I cannot emphasize enough the value of clear communication, psychological safety, rapport, and trust with the people you serve.

NVC skills will be a powerful addition to your medicine bundle.

Context: The Larger Issue of Drugs

Drugs have been, are, and will continue to be a contentious issue in society.

One reason for this is that meaning and purpose are scarce resources in our culture, and people resort to substances as a coping mechanism, to run away, numb out, or rebel. There is not a collective North Star around which our understanding of consciousness-altering substances revolves!

Another reason is a generalized lack of clarity — not all drugs are the same! And the old habit of good/bad thinking does not help.

Drugs are not “good” and they are not “bad” — the reality is much more nuanced than that!

To be clear, the controversy around drugs is not about whether or not to alter consciousness — but about particular ways of doing so.

Alcohol is legal in the US if you’re over 21, and where I live cannabis is also legal. While these are not psychedelics, they are powerful mind-altering substances.

And there are so many ways to alter consciousness that do not involve substances at all!

Many spiritual practices and other exercises also shift consciousness: yoga, meditation, and many kinds of breathwork have a positive effect on mind and body — and many alter consciousness profoundly, mostly for the better.

Anthropologically speaking, nearly all cultures have had institutionalized and sanctioned ways to alter consciousness.

Again, the societal debate is not about whether or not to alter consciousness, but about specific strategies for doing so.

Material reductionist short-sightedness

Traditional, empirical, Western science has its place, and can be very valuable. It also tends to reduce everything to the material dimensions of reality, and to that materiality’s smaller and smaller component parts: as if you could predict the outcome of a football match if only you knew atoms well enough!

In the West, many scientists researching mind-altering substances were told that they had lost objectivity if they opened themselves to the inner experience of the substances they were studying.

So a scientist studying DMT — a powerful mind-altering substance — would only be considered an expert by their peers if they maintained “professional objectivity” by limiting their research to studying molecular structures and brain scans. The phenomenology — the interior experience — would be considered either irrelevant, a distraction, or scientific sacrilege.

It would be like studying a pie — but refusing to taste it in order to remain “scientifically objective.” We can know the chemical composition of the pie, the biochemical pathways of the nutrients in the body — but never know if it tastes good or if it’s worth bringing to the potluck.

Of course empirical science has an important role, but material reductionism does not hold exclusive rights to reality.

Indigenous wisdom

When we look at the history of psychedelics and other related medicines in indigenous cultures, they hold essential lessons. Here are a few:

1. Taking part in the experience strengthens the individual and the group. Nobody in traditional indigenous cultures would take a sacred medicine to hurt themselves, to try to escape reality, to rebel, or to lash out.
2. Ceremonies and healing rituals are led by people who know what they are doing by virtue of their own experience. “Professional objectivity” is not a thing in these cultures! You would only attend an Ayahuasca ceremony, for example, led by someone who knows the intricacies, the ins and outs, the pitfalls and potentials of that particular medicine, again — by virtue of their own experience.
3. Natural is usually better! The more refined and concentrated a substance is, and the faster-acting it is (usually associated with a less natural form of intake), the more problems typically associated with it.

Take alcohol for example. European countries in which beer and wine are predominant have lower levels of alcoholism than cultures in which the norm is hard alcohol.

The progression is similar:

Opium → morphine → heroin → fentanyl

In the above sequence, each progressive step is associated with more problems — and fentanyl, synthesized in a lab, has left the natural world entirely.

Coca leaf → coca paste → cocaine → crack

In the above progression, crack is not necessarily stronger than powder cocaine, but it reaches the brain in seconds rather than minutes.

Coca leaf is quite safe, has been used in traditional cultures in the Andes for thousands of years, with zero social breakdown or contention. Coca leaf is not associated with addiction or with anti-social or violent behavior.

The relationship between coca leaf and crack is practically equivalent to the relationship between rye bread and rye whiskey — almost no relation at all, except that both started with grains of rye!

It’s worth mentioning that refinement has produced real medical benefits. Morphine has made reliable pain control possible in surgery. Standardized doses are considered safer than plant material which can sometimes be unpredictable.

So the issue is not refinement alone, but refinement combined with fast delivery, unpredictable dosing, and use outside a context that provides containment and meaning.

Suffice it to say that indigenous wisdom did not lead to cocaine or fentanyl!

Legal considerations

For clarity: Illegal does not mean unhealthy or unethical.

Today I can go down the street and have a beer if I wish — but 100 years ago it could have landed me in jail!

The history of legalization, illegalization, and decriminalization is uneven, and comes with many nuances and mixed motivations, including political motivations.

In the US, the so-called War on Drugs has been wielded disproportionately, and largely targeted lower-income communities and communities of color, leading to mass incarceration of minorities, especially African Americans.

It is said that governance follows culture — and the culture has been shifting with regard to psychedelic medicines.

The bottom line legally is that drugs and drug addiction belong in the public health space, not in the criminal justice space!

What makes a psychedelic experience successful?

Experts in the psychedelic healing space have their own differentiations that add clarity and contribute to positive outcomes.

Here are a few that stand out to me:

Set and Setting

“Set” and “setting” are considered some of the primary determinants for whether an experience with psychedelics is positive and beneficial, or the opposite.

Set refers to mindset. Are you going into it full of anxiety or stress? Are you telling yourself stories about how unsafe the universe is? Are you experiencing a good relationship with yourself, and do you feel resilient inside?

Setting refers to the environment in which the experience takes place. Is it safe? Is it stressful? Does the environment support positive outcomes, or does it not?

Set and setting are not new concepts. I first learned this distinction at the age of 16 in Dr. Andrew Weil’s fantastic book, The Natural Mind.

States of consciousness versus stages of consciousness

I credit Ken Wilber’s writing as the first place I learned this important distinction.

States of consciousness are by definition temporary; they come, and they go.

Human beings naturally experience three distinct states of consciousness in any given 24-hour period: waking, dreaming, and deep sleep.

Practices like yoga and meditation can induce states of heightened awareness. Peak experiences can happen spontaneously — in the shower or while walking in the woods.

And, of course, psychedelics induce states of consciousness that are different in significant ways from ordinary, waking reality.

The defining characteristic of states is that they come and they go; they are temporary.

Stages of consciousness are differentiated from states because stages become a stable part of your experience — and we grow into them organically, through our own natural evolution — but especially through personal practice, which can help accelerate the process.

The danger comes when we don’t differentiate between the two!

A person may continue to induce state experiences — again and again — thinking that that by itself will grow them into a stage! That would be remarkable if it worked that way, but it doesn’t!

Still – intentionally induced states in a safe container can be very valuable!

The value of states of consciousness

Even though the experience is temporary — a peak experience, or even getting to see something from an entirely new angle — can be extremely beneficial and valuable.

The insights of that moment stay with you and act like a magnet, pulling you in the direction of the newfound awareness.

There is a Buddhist parable attributed to the teacher Nagarjuna that exemplifies this point beautifully. And I paraphrase:

A man grows up and lives his whole life in a pitch dark room — no light. He lives each day terrified because he has been told that there is a venomous serpent in the corner of the room. One day, someone enters with a light — for only five minutes — giving the man enough time to see clearly that in the corner of the room is not a snake, but a rope.

After five minutes the light goes away and the man is back in the dark — same condition as before — but his life is forever transformed. All the terror has melted away because now he knows that in the corner there is no snake, only a rope.

This, to me, is very much how states of consciousness can function!

The insights can stay with you, and then you do your best to live according to them.

The importance of preparation & integration

The more I study this work, the more a particular point stands out:

A psychedelic journey or healing session is the shortest part of the experience — and it needs to be book-ended by preparation beforehand and integration afterwards.

The preparation ensures that you will get the most out of the journey. It can include preparing body, heart, mind, and spirit. It can include detoxing, relationship healing, and even trauma release work before a session. Preparation can include getting clear on the most important questions to be asking, and setting powerful intentions.

Integration is analogous to digestion. If you ate food but didn’t digest it, the food would do you no good!

There are different integration protocols, and different practitioners have their own way of doing it. Much of the time it involves slowing down. It can involve journaling, creative expression, meditation, and in some cases lots of sleep!

At its core, integration is about grounding the lessons into your everyday life, so they can become lived experience.

The medicine can sometimes give you a window into something new, or even allow you to visit a more positive reality — but integration is key of you want to live there.

A shaman I worked with once said, the medicine doesn’t do the work, but it gives you the homework. Time for integration is essential if you want to actually live the lessons and insights.

Therapy, Yoga, and Spiritual Practice

The distinction between these three will be valuable to any spiritual seeker or person engaged in deep healing work.

Author David Deida describes the difference between therapy, yoga, and spiritual practice using the metaphor of a stained-glass window.

Therapy is like repairing parts of the window that are chipped or broken — helping to make it more whole.

Yoga is like polishing the stained-glass window so that more light can shine through.

Spiritual practice can result in identifying with the light itself that’s streaming through the window, rather than with the window itself.

And identifying with the light can also come with a loss of incentive to do any repair or fixing of the window — because after all, I am the light anyway.

I find these distinctions valuable because a more holistic and integrated approach would involve all three. They also clarify, both for a practitioner and a patient, the distinct value of each of these sets of practices.

Healing vs Transformation

I am studying this space because one day, when these medicines are legal where I live, I hope to add psychedelic-enhanced coaching to my professional offerings.

And a valuable differentiation for someone like me is that while the therapeutic space and the coaching space have overlaps, they are also distinct. And, yes, there are echoes here from the previous section on the difference between therapy, yoga, and spiritual practice.

Psychological and nervous system healing is not so much about fixing something that’s broken, but rather about becoming more whole.

Transformation is about up-leveling and ultimately living into your own higher potentials.

Both are valuable and important!

Brain vs Mind

This one really trips people up! I frequently hear people use these terms interchangeably, and they are not one and the same!

Try this experiment: wiggle your toes right now. Could you feel that? Your mind is down there!

The brain is a physical organ in the head.

The mind goes throughout the entire nervous system, and beyond.

Clarity in language and mental clarity go hand in hand.

This is one of the major strengths of NVC: ensuring that we are both understanding others as well as being understood.

Know your medicine person or people!

An important part of set and setting, psychological safety, and positive outcomes is your level of trust and confidence in the person or people serving you.

In the same way that confidence in your doctor is important, so it is in relation to someone poised to help with psychedelic medicines.

I’ve added a Further resources section, below, to facilitate your research into this space if you so desire.

Psychedelic Medicine – A New Era for Scientific Research

Scientific research is expanding rapidly into the question: when people take psychedelics, what is actually happening in the brain?

Because each medicine is different, they need to be studied individually. How they interact is also an important area for research.

One of the leading theories for what happens in the brain — that applies to many, but not all medicines labeled “psychedelics” — is the “GABAergic theory of filter removal.”

The GABAergic theory of filter removal

Here’s what that theory says, in a nutshell:

Your brain is constantly getting way more information than you actually notice — sounds, sights, memories, feelings, all showing up at once.

If you paid full attention to everything your senses picked up all the time, you’d be totally overwhelmed and couldn’t function. It’s simply too much!

So your brain has a kind of “filter” or “volume control” that turns most of that raw information down, letting only a small, useful amount rise into your conscious awareness.

This filtering job is done partly by a chemical messenger in your brain called GABA (short for gamma-aminobutyric acid), which is the brain’s main “quiet down” signal — it tells other brain cells to slow down or stop firing so things don’t get too chaotic.

The GABAergic “filter removal” theory says that when GABA’s calming effect gets weakened or blocked in certain brain circuits — which some substances and altered states can do — the filter loosens up. Normally-quiet background information (sensory details, thoughts, associations between ideas) suddenly gets louder and rushes into awareness when it would otherwise be screened out.

That’s why people in these states often describe things looking more vivid, sounds seeming more intense, or ordinary objects suddenly appearing strange and fascinating. It’s not that new information is being created, it’s that the brain’s usual “muffling” filter has been reduced, so more of what’s already there gets through.

Although psychedelics have been studied for a long time, the research has been severely restricted legally. As the benefits of these medicines become more abundantly clear, the hope is that many lines of research will open up so that more people can access the healing they need.

What makes psychedelics different?

What makes “classic” psychedelics (like psilocybin, LSD, DMT, and mescaline) fundamentally different from almost all other psychoactive substances is how they alter the organizational structure of the brain, rather than simply temporarily affecting brain chemistry.

While most recreational drugs work by turning up the dial on specific reward systems or dulling your senses — psychedelics temporarily dismantle what are known as the brain’s top-down control mechanisms.

1) They Don’t Just Stimulate — They Re-Route

Most common drugs act like chemical amplifiers or dampeners:

Stimulants, like cocaine or amphetamines, flood the brain with dopamine, speeding up its normal operations (although at a cumulative mental, physiological, and energetic cost).

Depressants/sedatives, like alcohol or opioids, enhance GABA or activate opioid receptors, slowing down the nervous system (again, usually at a cumulative cost).

Psychedelics are unique because their primary action is what scientists call “neuromodulatory.” By binding specifically to the serotonin 5-HT2A receptor, they disrupt the “gating” mechanisms discussed earlier. Instead of just changing how fast or slow the brain runs, they fundamentally change who is talking to whom.

2) The “Explosion of Global Functional Connectivity”

In a normal waking state, the brain is highly compartmentalized. The visual cortex handles sight, the auditory cortex handles sound, and the Default Mode Network (DMN) acts as a strict conductor, forcing traffic along predictable, well-worn routes.

Under a classic psychedelic, the DMN goes on standby — more or less, depending on the medicine, the dosage, set, setting, and possibly other factors.

As the rigid top-down filters dissolve, researchers note:

Hyper-Connectivity: Brain regions that have not communicated directly since infancy suddenly form massive, temporary neural bridges.

Synesthesia: Because the barriers between sensory compartments are down, a visual stimulus can cross-wire into the auditory cortex, allowing people to “hear colors” or “see sounds.”

3. Hyper-Plasticity and “De-Rigidifying” the Mind

Most drugs create a temporary state that completely vanishes once the chemical leaves the bloodstream — often leaving a hangover or experience of withdrawal in its wake.

Psychedelics trigger what is described as “a profound secondary cascade” — neuroplasticity. Neuronal connections and brain structures are not rigid or static. And we see neuroplasticity in the way the brain can form or re-form neuronal connections.

By stimulating 5-HT2A receptors, psychedelics prompt the release of BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor) and FGF2. This initiates a rapid growth of new dendrites, synapses, and neural connections — a process scientists call psychoplastogen action.

Instead of reinforcing addictive loops, this allows the brain to reset deeply ingrained, rigid thinking patterns, which is why they are being heavily studied for treating treatment-resistant depression and PTSD.

4. Ego Dissolution vs. Escapism

While alcohol or dissociatives can cause a user to “zone out” or escape reality via numbing, psychedelics often cause the exact opposite: an intense, hyper-salient confrontation with internal and external reality. (That’s why using LSD, for example, to escape will most likely backfire!)

Because they drop the GABAergic filtering of the DMN (the neural seat of the ego), the boundary between “self” and “the outside world” can sometimes appear to be completely erased. This leads to the psychological phenomenon of ego dissolution — in the sense of having the experience of total unification with your environment.

All of this is a simplified overview — but it gives you a sense of the direction some of the scientific research is going.

How does NVC support mental health?

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful support for mental health because it offers practical, non-pathologizing language for inner experience — one that treats every feeling as a signal pointing toward something deeply important, a living need, rather than as a symptom to be managed.

For people navigating trauma or integrating expanded states, this shift can literally be a life-saver: the harsh inner voices of shame, blame, and “shoulds” can be translated into the underlying needs they are trying, however tragically, to protect — such as safety, belonging, dignity, or rest. That translation often loosens the grip of self-judgment and opens space for self-compassion.

NVC’s emphasis on empathic presence, receiving another without fixing, advising, or interpreting, closely parallels the quality of holding that makes psychedelic and trauma work safe — and it gives facilitators a concrete practice for staying connected rather than reactive when strong material arises.

Distinguishing observations from evaluations helps clients and patients separate what actually happened from the stories and meanings layered on top of it, which can ease obsessive rumination and support clearer integration of difficult experiences.

By restoring a felt sense of choice and agency, and by grounding relationships in mutual care rather than coercion, NVC helps people move from nervous-system survival patterns toward connection with themselves and others, which is a solid place for lasting healing to take root.

If you are in the field of assisting others with psychedelic and adjacent medicines, here are some other articles on NVC that might interest you, listed by topic:

NVC Articles of Interest to Psychedelic Practitioners

1. Motivation

The carrot, the stick, and the underlying need: using Nonviolent Communication to reinvent how we motivate ourselves and others

Contrasts motivation driven by fear, guilt, shame, and “shoulds,” which breeds resentment and blocks learning, with motivation that comes from connecting to universal human needs as the real drivers of what we do.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-motivation/

2. Scientific Method

The Science of the Heart: Nonviolent Communication and the Scientific Method

Uses Ken Wilber’s three strands of valid knowledge accumulation (injunction, direct apprehension, communal confirmation) to argue that NVC’s interior and relational effects can be studied rigorously, and that NVC can also help protect science from financial and epistemological corruption.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-the-scientific-method/

3. Buddhism

The Awakened Heart: Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism

Explores where NVC and Buddhism converge, such as mapping dukkha onto unmet needs and non-attachment onto holding needs firmly while holding strategies lightly — and presents them as complementary paths that both begin with self-awareness and compassion.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-buddhism/

4. Shame

Transforming Shame with Nonviolent Communication

Shows how shame blocks learning and growth and cuts people off from the life energy beneath it, and how NVC can help transform shame in a way that leads to learning and greater wholeness.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-shame/

5. Mental Wellness

Nonviolent Communication and Mental Wellness: Practical Tools for a Healthy Inner Life

Defines mental wellness as a regulated nervous system, a more-positive-than-not outlook, and self-connection — then shows how NVC addresses what undermines it: negative thought loops, limiting beliefs, unhelpful behaviors, systems and structures, and toxic relationships.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-mental-wellness/

6. Boundaries

Nonviolent Communication and Boundaries

Frames boundaries as strategies we use to meet needs like safety, trust, or ease, and argues that because boundaries are an unavoidable part of healthy relationships, the key is working with our own and others’ boundaries consciously and intentionally.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-boundaries

7. Trauma

What is the relationship between Trauma and Nonviolent Communication?

Defines trauma as unintegrated stress held in the nervous system and draws on attachment theory, polyvagal theory, and “The Ring Theory of Trauma and Support” to show how trauma-informed NVC slows conversations down to the pace each person’s nervous system can absorb.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-trauma/

8. Mourning

Mourning and Grief Work with NVC

Introduces “life-connected mourning,” which means staying with your feelings and the underlying needs rather than stories of blame, and applies it to the death of loved ones and to other losses such as jobs, retirement, relationships, and regretted actions.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-mourning/

9. Death

Nonviolent Communication and Death

Offers practical NVC guidance for grieving a loved one, comforting someone else without trying to fix their pain, navigating family disagreements over funerals or end-of-life care, and talking with children about death.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-death/

10. Depression

Treating Depression with Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

Presents depression, along with anger, shame, and guilt, as an alarm signaling disconnection from needs, and shows how translating depressive self-talk into feelings and needs can complement professional treatment and reduce stigma.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-depression/

11. De-Escalation

Nonviolent Communication Skills and De-escalation

Lays out an NVC approach to defusing conflict: de-escalate yourself first through self-empathy, put connection before solution, get curious, and use connecting requests, while acknowledging that access and skill level limit what’s possible.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-de-escalation/

12. Mindfulness

What is the Connection Between Mindfulness and Nonviolent Communication?

Explains how mindfulness strengthens NVC by slowing reactivity and sharpening awareness of judgments, feelings, and needs — while NVC extends mindfulness into interpersonal harmony, with real-world examples of programs that combine the two.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-mindfulness/

13. Gratitude

Nonviolent Communication and Gratitude

Distinguishes praise and compliments, which are static judgments that can carry manipulative intent, from NVC gratitude, which aims to celebrate and names what the person did, which need it met, and how you feel — so that there is greater clarity, joy, and celebration in moments of genuine gratitude.

https://nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/nvc-gratitude/

Further resources

Following is a list of groups and organizations working in the psychedelic space.

This list is for informational purposes only and does not constitute an endorsement nor a recommendation by PuddleDancer Press.

The list is sorted by the types of work these groups do.

1. Research, advocacy, and funding

MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies)
https://maps.org

Founded by Rick Doblin in 1986, MAPS is the nonprofit that funded decades of MDMA-for-PTSD research and incubated both Lykos Therapeutics and The Zendo Project harm-reduction program.

Heffter Research Institute
https://heffter.org

A nonprofit that has funded foundational psilocybin research at major universities since the 1990s.

Johns Hopkins Center for Psychedelic & Consciousness Research
https://hopkinspsychedelic.org

One of the first and most influential academic psychedelic research centers, known for landmark psilocybin studies on depression, addiction, and mystical experience.

Imperial College Centre for Psychedelic Research
https://www.imperial.ac.uk/psychedelic-research-centre

The UK’s leading academic psychedelic research center, known for brain-imaging and psilocybin-for-depression studies.

Beckley Foundation
https://beckleyfoundation.org

Amanda Feilding’s UK think tank, which has combined psychedelic science with drug policy reform since 1998.

Psychedelic Science Funders Collaborative
https://psfc.org

A network of philanthropists that pools and directs funding toward psychedelic research, access, and equity work.

Chacruna Institute
https://chacruna.net

A nonprofit that focuses on the cultural, Indigenous, religious, and equity dimensions of psychedelic plant medicines.

2. Drug development (pharma and biotech)

Compass Pathways
https://compasspathways.com

The frontrunner for the first FDA-approved classic psychedelic: its synthetic psilocybin, COMP360, is the first psilocybin program to complete two positive pivotal Phase 3 trials for treatment-resistant depression, and commercial launch is expected in the first half of 2027, pending FDA approval and DEA rescheduling.

Usona Institute
https://usona.org

A nonprofit medical research organization that develops psilocybin for depression and supplies research-grade psilocybin to scientists at no cost.

3. Clinical and regulated care

Roots to Thrive Canada
https://rootstothrive.com

Canada’s first multidisciplinary, nonprofit healthcare practice offering multi-week group therapy programs, including psychedelic-assisted therapy when prescribed by a licensed medical professional, based in Nanaimo, BC. It also trains clinicians.

SANCTUM Aspen
https://www.sanctumaspen.com

Legal, licensed, medically supervised psilocybin retreats in Colorado for leaders and changemakers, built around its proprietary “Courage Method” of leadership development.

4. Veteran-focused

Heroic Hearts Project
https://heroicheartsproject.org

A veteran-founded nonprofit that helps veterans with PTSD access safe, evidence-based psychedelic therapies through retreats with partner providers, plus family support, research, facilitator training, and policy advocacy.

VETS (Veterans Exploring Treatment Solutions)
https://vetsolutions.org

A nonprofit that funds veterans’ access to psychedelic treatment (notably ibogaine and 5-MeO-DMT) and lobbies for federal and state policy change.

5. Retreats, ceremony, and coaching

Sacred Rebels Thriving
https://sacredrebelsthriving.com

A high-integrity psychedelic coaching practice for personal transformation that focuses on preparation and integration for trauma survivors, and explicitly positions itself as “not therapy.”

Kambo Casita
https://www.kambocasita.com

A spiritual wellness retreat center in Sámara, Costa Rica, founded by Nadine Purdy, offering small-group and private ceremonies with Kambo, Ayahuasca, Bufo Alvarius, and other sacraments.

6. Practitioner training

Psychedelic Concierge
https://psychedelicconcierge.com

A self-paced, CPD/CEU-accredited certification for psychedelic guides, covering preparation, integration, ethics, and business-building, that explicitly does not grant clinical licensure or permission to administer controlled substances.

CIIS Center for Psychedelic Therapies and Research
https://www.ciis.edu/research-centers/center-for-psychedelic-therapies-and-research

The longest-running and most established psychedelic-assisted therapy certificate program for licensed clinicians, based at the California Institute of Integral Studies.

7. Harm reduction and peer support

Fireside Project
https://firesideproject.org

A free psychedelic peer-support line that people can call or text during or after a psychedelic experience.

Zendo Project
https://zendoproject.org

A harm-reduction program, originally from MAPS, that provides care at festivals and events for people having difficult psychedelic experiences.

Marshall Rosenberg on Mental Wellness

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg developed NVC to serve relationships and your relationship with yourself.

You cannot have mental wellness when your relationships are on fire.

That’s why Marshall focused on quality of connection as a way we can all get our needs met, together!

He also frequently quoted Victor Frankl, Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, and Holocaust survivor, who focused on the search for a life’s meaning as the central human motivational force.

Frankl was also famously the author of Man’s Search for Meaning about his experience in a concentration camp.

Here are some Viktor Frankl quotes to inspire your mental wellness and your search for meaning:

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.

The last of the human’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.

Again and again I therefore admonish my students in Europe and America: Don’t aim at success — the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run — in the long-run, I say! — success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.

PuddleDancer Press Books on NVC and Well-Being

PuddleDancer Press is the foremost proponent and publisher of books on Nonviolent Communication and well-being.

NVC has shown time and time again that human beings are capable of self-care, self-responsibility, and arriving at mutually beneficial solutions.

Because of the trust-building process involved, and the fact that the solutions include everyone’s buy-in, using NVC for happiness and well-being predictably gives us outcomes that meet a greater number of needs and are more durable.

Our books on mental well-being can help you:

• Create exceptional personal and professional relationships,
• Offer compassionate understanding to others,
• Know when and how to ask for that same understanding for yourself,
• Prevent and resolve misunderstandings and conflicts,
• Speak your truth in a clear, powerful way more likely to lead to harmony than conflict, and
• Create mutual understanding without coercion.

Whether you are a long-time student — or are brand new to NVC — PuddleDancer Press has the educational resources, including the books on mental well-being, to help you grow your emotional intelligence, interpersonal skills, and communication prowess.

Check out our catalog of books on well-being… and give yourself the gift of Compassionate Communication!

Important Note for Readers — Errata reporting:

If you find any significant errors or omissions in this article, please contact the author promptly so that he can correct and update the article. You can reach him at [email protected].